A Letter to Mummas of Boy Bubbas
Congratulations… if you are reading this you have either had or are about to have a boy bubba.
I am lucky enough to be a mumma of three beautiful boy bubbas aged 9 years, 6 years and 8 months. People are forever saying to me, ‘Wow you must be busy,’ or ‘How do you do it?’ It’s almost as though they feel sorry for me. But I’m here to tell you, having boys is not a hardship… quite the contrary – it’s FANTASTIC!
Before I get in to all the mushy stuff I feel that it is my duty to give you a few insights as to what it is like having a family of boys. I figure if you know what you are getting into from the beginning, you’ll be able to roll with the punches as they happen (pun intended). So here goes...
Your house will never be quiet, unless they are asleep, or perhaps playing lego (you can never have enough lego).
When you go to the supermarket or the hardware store the boys will try to drive the trolley around like a rally car.
When you are in a large open space, boys will feel the need to wrestle with each other – even if you are at the airport and there are lots of people around.
(note the cushion on the floor - if you have cushions on the couch, be prepared to pick them up 10 times a day)
You will have many broken windows in your time (hide the golf balls and invest in soft balls).
You can never have enough space in your house, or enough sports equipment. Seriously.
You will spend an enormous amount on food and this only increases as they get older – you will feel as though you are Old Mother Hubbard with bare cupboards most of the time. Weetbix and porridge are your go-to foods, anytime of the day.
There will be holes in your wall from time to time. Learn how to plaster now.
Boys constantly compete and there will be tears after most family games, as someone will inevitably lose.
You will be frequently kicked and punched ‘accidentally’ when they come in for a cuddle in the morning – as this will eventually turn into a wrestle.
It will take a lot of effort to encourage boys to put things away and if you don’t harp on about it constantly they won’t do it.
You will stand on or sit on wee at least once a week as their aim is not the best. Oh, and watch out in the middle of the night as I have fallen into the toilet on several occasions when boys have left the toilet seat up.
Boys never get sick of toilet humour so you may as well get in on the act – just accept that farts are funny and be done with it.
Boys get angry a lot, especially at age 4 (I blame the massive testosterone boost). They will probably punch, kick or shout at the person closest to them, so watch out.
Okay so now that you have an understanding of all of that, here’s some tips on how to stay connected with your boys, because let’s face it they are different to us females…
Get down on the ground and do what they are doing at least once a day. Playing cars or with super hero figurines is an easy one, but if you are up for a wrestle – do it! They will love you for it.
Boys are all about fairness and consistency. If you say you will do something, do it. Make sure you have clear rules and expectations and stick to these – make sure the consequences are always consistent too, they will respect you for this and are less likely to argue.
Feed and water boys every hour or two – a hangry boy is not pleasant.
Don’t stay home for too long or things tend to get a bit feral. Get out and about and do something physical. Go to the beach, play a game of football, go for a family bike ride etc.– boys need to exert energy to stay balanced.
Up until age 6 you are their main influence. Teach your boy/s how to be loving and kind and how to respect women. Don’t allow them to treat you like rubbish – you wouldn’t let them do it to any other female.
From age 6 boys begin to emulate and idolise their Dad, they are learning what it is like to be a man. Remind Dad of this, he may want to tweak some of his language and behaviours.
Allow rough play and risk taking – it is a boy’s intrinsic desire. Children will usually be aware of their limits and won’t push too far (usually).
Enlist some other positive male role models for your boy/s, such as an uncle, coach, grandfather, teacher etc. (especially from age 14-20 years). The more positive males in your little man’s life the better off he will be.
Envoke some ‘coming of age' rituals. Think of something special that your boy can do with Dad (or mentor) at age 5, 10, 15 and 21.
Time for Mushy Stuff
One day your boy will stick up for you to another person – you will feel so special knowing he has your back.
One day your boy will pay you a compliment – ‘You look nice today mummy’, your heart will melt.
One day you will out-wrestle or run faster than your boy and you will see the look of respect in his eyes (this happens a lot in our family, he he).
One day your little man will look at you and tell you he loves you and you will never forget it!
These are the moments that make being a mumma of boy bubbas so special… enjoy them!
Love to your little people.
Blogga-Mumma xxoo
Thanks to Steve Biddulph and his book 'Raising Boys' for being such a great guide for me as a mumma of boys. Check out my FB page 'Blogga-Mumma NZ' for a free giveaway of this book.
